Give credence to the undertow
The tide that grips my inner self
Pulling me below the surface
Below the oil slick of life outside
A cold current runs beneath
Sweeping thoughts away
Reducing time to painful breaths
Gripping my heart in endothermic exchange
Leave the surface behind
These thoughts better left forgotten
Of words lacking trust
And the lonely tableau of my vision
A pull, a push easily takes this shell
Rocking me in idle motion
Between opposing goals
Of mind and emotion
Icy cold offers surcease
A numbness to spread through my limbs
Surrender to the dark current
Give in to the alien embrace
Basalt formations confront me
These obstacles of desire
Hatred and hurt block my path
And sequester the freedom of action
Close these eyes, both inside and out
And fight for forgetfulness
Selective amnesia as an anesthesia
To block the taint of surface thoughts
Sear the frayed ends with fire or ice
Curb the jangling twinges of misfired nerves
But if I swim into the rip tide
Will I have the strength to pull myself free?
No cries for help will be heard
Distant understanding is all I can expect
Vague reproach for foolish actions
No foreign shores with helping hands
From sunlit jade to deepest emerald
The colors leech with depth to black
A thirsty flow speeds along the bottom
Drinking warmth from opened wounds
My body tingles in the chill
Limbs disappear forgetting how to swim
Retreating down deeper inside
I hold a corrupted breath in my lungs
Poisoned air from the sky above
Feeds my blood with its toxins
Keeping me from finding peace
Even in the darkest caress of the tide
Stubbornly I cling to the past
The reeking fire in my chest
Allowing it to stain the fibers
Of lifeless flesh and bone
A distant sound, older still
Chides decisions and childish reason
Commanding in a stern voice
To be rid of poison and frigid course
Extolling me to force new life
To wearied limbs forsaken
To leave the sunless depths
And return to the haven of home shores
I reach to the sun for warmth
But the current holds me fast
Nether realms increase the pressure
Bearing down upon this fragile vessel
Have I traveled far enough
To place the vultures below the horizon?
Will the skies be free from threat
Will the shores lack the rocky thorns?
I dare to raise my head
To steer beyond this swift conveyance
Maneuvering to free myself
From the entwining coils of submission
Pent up breath explodes from my chest
Of tales and thoughts suppressed
Cleansing my body with starvation
As I swim toward untainted air
Darkness recedes with returning warmth
Empty blood carries the venom away
Returning weakened life to limbs
Granting unified movement in the effort to rise
A long, breathless moment passes
The pressure slackens easing my ascent
Ears register the change of depth
But the eyes detect no further brightening
I break the surface to stormy skies
The moon hidden behind heavy clouds
Waves carry me through crest and trough
Mingling salt with raindrop tears
I scan the distance in glimpses
Searching for familiar sights
Some mark of land or stretch of sky
That speaks of where I have drifted
Far out to sea, no land in sight
Neither resented nor desired scenes
I draw renewing air deep within
From skies I have never seen
My body trembles with new life
Returning from a paralytic brink
A catharsis flows in with oxygen
To awaken my veins with new sustenance
I do not know the waters I swim
The canopy of clouds deny my navigation
But new horizons expand before me
Bringing hope of an approaching sunrise
[© 1998 Joseph Wheeler, all rights reserved]